tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize