I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
