You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't put those talents on a resume
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
