ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
third nipple confirmed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize