you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You need a sexual gate keeper
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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