The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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