he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
