omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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