Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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