We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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