Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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