So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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