i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
