Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize