If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
