This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
