So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize