i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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