dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
