somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
