Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
