I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
