We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
