i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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