I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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