My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize