Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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