Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The struggles of a small town man whore
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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