gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
