the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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