Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize