Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
