we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
