She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
