see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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