Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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