I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
