I've blown a few things in my day
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
