apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
