Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
