my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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