I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
