idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
