Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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