she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
