You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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