Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
