Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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