just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
