you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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