Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
