I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
