she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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