That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
