I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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