I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
