When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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