if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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