Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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