VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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