I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
