Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
