you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
