the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
