what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How does one acquire holy water?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pooping to opera.
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