btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
