remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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