Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
