i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
