At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize