Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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