If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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