I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize