in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
