uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize