Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
