I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
