O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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