More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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