I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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