why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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