the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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