I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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