i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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