it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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