I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize