It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
