I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
