I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There r osticjed everywhere
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
