maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
