Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
