the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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