At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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