This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
MIDGETS
????
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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