What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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