Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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