Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
