Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
