just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
