3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
