He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
