Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
