I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can you bring me the toilet please
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
