Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
