Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
