i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
birth control should be required to get into college
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
