I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
