we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
