I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
