areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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